It was Spring of 2014 that I stepped into the world of CrossFit, and little did I know, I had just discovered the saviour for something that had held me back for longer than I can remember.

Looking back to my high school days most of it was a constant battle to do the simple things like, get out of bed. I felt safety within my sheets and in those moments, I was able to hide from the overwhelming things in life; which if you suffer from anxiety and depression could literally be everything.

Although I had my head pretty screwed on, I had always felt I was lost to my mental illness. For example, I never got bad grades, so the teachers never really understood what I was going through, but each paper handed in was constructed upon one anxiety attack and two mental break downs… at the minimum.

I was always so hard on myself and as a typical high school girl, I hated my body; note that having been called ‘Thunder Thighs’ made me believe others hated the way I looked too. Finishing school was the second-best thing to happen for my mental wellbeing, and I think you already know what ended up being the first…yep you guessed it, CrossFit.

This journey to fitness started at a local gym, and after a few months I started to feel some confidence develop within me. I was less concerned with what others thought and became focused and excited on the road I had ahead. Then one day Luke Spencer walked into my life and raised the suggestion that “we should try CrossFit!” at first, I laughed and felt the anxiety of trying something new run through my body, but then I gave in; in all honesty I’m pretty sure I he gave me no choice. Soon after, we tried our first class it was that same day I signed up for what turned out to be the start of a new chapter in my life.

I can’t say that it happened immediately for me, I still had bad days, but after a few weeks the good days started to outweigh the bad. I found myself addicted to the sweat and pain that CrossFit delivered but more so the community and the sense of achievement after each session. It was then I realised this was no ordinary membership, this was my membership for mental health.

I became happier than I had ever been and it was as if the weight that had held me and my confidence down for so many years was now weight I could throw around at CrossFit. As everybody was at all levels of fitness, my perception of body image began to change, I started to see myself as happy, healthy and strong, not depressed, fat and weak. This also lead me to learn to love my ‘Thunder Thighs’ which turned into the nickname ‘Quadzy’ or ‘Fairy Quad Mother’ – Thanks Truman!

The community became my family; they saved my life and they probably don’t even know it.

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If we fast forward to today, I am proud to say I am a new person. I went from struggling to talk in a small group of ‘friends’ to addressing classes of up to 16 people on a daily basis. A few years ago, I would have had a panic attack if you had of asked me to stand up and talk in front of that many people; in fact, an oral presentation has done just that. But rediscovering myself through CrossFit, I found my way to where I am now; a respected coach, a friend, a university student, a mentor, a role model and best of all a survivor.

Now I can’t claim that CrossFit completely cured me of my mental illness, but it has made me fitter, stronger and more confident than I have ever felt before. The little things that used to be incredibly overwhelming for me, were things I begun to do daily. I wanted to get out of bed, I wanted to continue to work on myself and be a better version of me. It was a blessing to have CrossFit help me take control of my life and start seeing the world that bit brighter and myself that bit better.

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If you find that you are struggling with a mental illness please do not be ashamed, you are human, this world has lost way too many beautiful souls due to mental illness and it is something we need to continue to raise awareness on. Rest in Peace Paige Rose Menzies 5/6/2012

– Shannon Macgregor

Lifeline Australia – 13 11 14 Kids Helpline – 1800 55 1800 Headspace – 1800 650 890 MindSpot Clinic – 1800 61 44 34