What the fucking hell are we doing?
Carrying on like we own the Earth and we’re the coolest beings to ever inhabit it.
The leaders, the knowers, the providers, the stronger sex, the better sportspeople.
Yeah I hear you, “not me! I’m pro-feminism!”
Yeah that’s nice that you feel that way, I do to, but don’t pretend that male pride doesn’t affect so many of yours and my decisions and behaviours. Because is does.
I wonder, if male pride didn’t have such an influence, what would the world look like today?
Less wars, less arrogant pricks running our country’s, less fist fights at the pub, less male suicide?
“Pride blunts the very instrument we need to own in order to succeed: our mind. Our ability to learn, to adapt, to be flexible, to build relationships, all of this is dulled by pride.” Ryan Holiday – Ego is that Enemy
Pride and shame are directly linked. If we aren’t seen by others to be the person we believe we are, we experience shame. Shame is a painful emotion, one of the most painful emotions, especially for a man. Because to be a man, if you are seen to be feeling shame, are you even a man?
Could you imagine Donald Trump taking responsibility for an error and showing true shame? I bet he’d rather be dead than reveal shame to anybody.
Because he is too proud.
Because we men are too proud.
“Pride leads to arrogance and then away from humility and connection with their fellow man.”
I must show a tough exterior because I’m a man.
I have to keep it together because I’m a man.
I don’t show emotion because I’m a man.
I don’t need to ask for help at work, school or footy because I’m a man.
I can’t look weak because I’m a man.
I don’t go to the GP because I’m a man.
I must be the primary provider for my family because I’m a man.
I need to be seen as a hard worker because I’m a man.
My wife can’t be more financially successful than me because what kind of man would I be?
I should be leaving home early and coming home late because I’m a man.
I take the piss out of every uncomfortable topic because I’m a man.
I make jokes about my missus around the boys because im a man.
I use the word missus with my mates to avoid them thinking I feel the emotion called ‘love’ because I’m a man.
I’d rather lose a best mate or wife than admit responsibility because I’m a man.
There is no fucking way I need to seek mental help because I’m a man.
Whether we believe we are the dominant species or not, we’ve all experienced many of these examples of male pride.
Tell me, the examples above that resonate with you. What emotion do you feel right now, thinking you were about to be found out? That your pride was on the line.
Shame. Every day of the fucking week.
As modern men we should all know that the above examples are all bullshit. Yet we are not prepared to meet our shame face to face.
Do you know what is on the other side of your shame?
Well, nothing bad.
Nothing but a little initial discomfort, then some humility, then a wave of support from those that truly care about you, then a realisation that all of that pride you were holding on to was holding you back from your true potential, then a huge increase in open mindedness and willingness to learn and a realisation of what is more important in life, and then… the confidence to just be you. The true wholehearted version of you.
So fella’s… ask yourself this…
What am i missing right now that a more humble person might see?
Stop being a typical bloke. Admit fault. Admit weakness. Admit that you don’t have all the answers. Admit that you love your wife more than your mates. Listen more. Go to the GP.
And once again… go to the bloody psychologist.