How To Not Be Taken For Granted, Walked All Over, and Treated Like a Second Rate Human
Whether it is your lazy arsed husband, your nagging dragon wife, your shit mate, your entitled clients or your sooking whining disrespectful little turd kids… they all behave in that way around you because you allow them to do so.
You lack boundaries.
Too many of us feel like we need to please everyone as though their happiness is our responsibility. We pander to others’ needs and bend over for them, putting our own happiness in jeopardy because somebody else feels it is okay to behave like a narcissist towards you. We do it because we fear that if we don’t, they won’t like us. Well yes, you have achieved that, they most certainly do like you! Hooray! How good does it feel!? (Does it feel good?) In fact, they like you so much that they know they can do just about anything they want around you and get anything they want from you. You’re the best! They don’t even have to do anything for you in return or show you an ounce of respect! You’re like their own personal maid! They could probably get a bell for you and you’d still show up for them.
You lack boundaries.
These people in your life behave this way around you because you let them. It’s not a them problem, it’s a you problem. Of course you don’t like the way they behave around you. No one likes it when your kids trash the house and sook until they get what they want. No one likes it when your partner manipulates you into forgiving them for their selfish arsehole behaviour. No one likes it when your best mate uses you as their own personal psychologist yet forgets to ever ask you how you are doing. No one likes it when you go above and beyond for a client well after hours and well into your own family time, only to have them demand more from you and question your efforts. Not one of us likes being walked all over. But the only person that can stop that is you.
Sitting there complaining that you wish x would do more y or that w would stop doing so much z is not going to fix your problem. Only your actions and your communicated expectations of how you feel you deserve to be treated can fix your problem. You set the boundaries for others to adhere to. If they don’t like it, they can fuck off.
“But… my friend?”
Sorry mate, any friend who thinks it is okay to walk all over you and then kick up a stink when you tell them no, is not a friend. You’re better off without them. Same goes for your partner and client.
“But… my kids?”
You know what? Kids bloody love boundaries. They love to know where they stand and what they can and can’t do. As well as why they can and can’t do things. They’re fresh to the world, they’re curious! They also love to test those boundaries regularly to keep you on your toes. They do this because they want to see if you are paying attention and if you care about them. Kids have way more respect for those that give them strict boundaries. Just look at your child’s teacher. They love their teacher! They rarely talk back or kick up at them, and they do exactly what they ask of them. By having no boundaries and no rules, your kids don’t think you care as much for them or what they get up to. By allowing them to do whatever they want, trash whatever they want, speak to whomever however they want, all because you don’t want to tell them off at risk of them not liking you, you will actually cause them to like you less and respect you less.
(And don’t forget! The best thing with your kids is that they can’t go anywhere. They have to accept your boundaries!)
When you set boundaries, the right people will stay and the wrong people will move on. Those that you finally decide to stand up for yourself towards will accept it, adhere to it and give you the respect you deserve. Or, they will kick up and try to break that boundary down. If they can’t break it, and if you stay strong, they will leave. Probably with a lot of huff and puff, but it will be one less leech draining your energy.
Now, setting yourself some boundaries doesn’t have to be a whole big thing. You don’t need to sit your friends down and have an intervention. You don’t need to start a fight. You absolutely don’t need to point fingers and highlight their faults either, because how you were treated in the past was your responsibility, remember. It’s not that they are a bad person, it is that you allowed them free run of… you. Any living and breathing organism would do the same.
All you need to do is say no and hold your ground. Your actions just need to reflect your expectations and you might need to briefly explain how you expect to be treated. It isn’t a big ask, it is how every other human deserves to be treated, so don’t feel like you need to make it a thing. It just is.
Want better relationships? Have boundaries and don’t budge!
Don’t be a wuss, just do it